Feminists have turned the Love Boat into the Titanic.
An optimist can always see the bright side of the other guy's problems.
Our pleasures are imagined, but our griefs are all real.
Even optimists have a 100% mortality rate.
An expert is someone who guesses right more often than you do.
Politicians and Diapers should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.
The only people to profit from the mistakes of others are biographers.
Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
Equality may perhaps be a right, but it will never be a reality.
Most of life's shadows result from standing in your own light.
Jealousy is the injured lover's hell.
History doesn't repeat itself - historians merely repeat each other.
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one graveyard to another.
Be cautious about lending money to friends. You might lose both.
Radical: Anyone whose opinion differs from ours.
Humor is the same as truth, only faster.
Golf isn't a sport. It's landscaping with the wrong tools.
Poor people have problems; rich people have challenges.
A Democrat -- too poor to be a capitalist, too rich to be a Communist.
History keeps repeating itself because nobody listens.
Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.
Defeat may test you, but it need not stop you.
Court Room Trial: Manipulation of the facts by two High-Priced salesmen, each attempting to sell his own version of the truth.
Econometrics have successfully predicted 14 of the last 3 recessions.
Life is lived forwards and understood backwards.
Life's not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, loudly proclaiming -WOW- What a ride!
Fear of death keeps us from living, not from dying.
He who can find new wisdom in old knowledge will be a good teacher.
Everything hurts - and what doesn't, doesn't work.
A business is too big when it takes a week for gossip to go from one end of the office to the other.
God's pay is not great, but his retirement plan is out of this world.
Chance makes our families, but choice makes our friends.
Marriage is a bad proposition, half end in divorce, and the other half end in death.
Taxpayer: A government worker with no vacation, no sick leave and no holidays.
God invented chocolate, the devil added the calories.
The difference between medicine and poison is the dosage.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
Let problems make you better, not bitter.
Few things are as painful as the truth realized too late.
Better single than sorry.
A laugh is a smile with a soundtrack.
Perfection is a road, not a destination.
A BAD day's fishing still beats a GOOD day at work!
DisneyLand: A people trap operated by a mouse.
Pay attention to your enemies. They are the first to discover your mistakes.
For good, return good. For evil, return justice.
Some people dream of success, while others wake up and work hard at it.
