Ambrose Bierce

"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder."

Ambrose Bierce

Love

Marriage

Rating: 6.67 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Optimist (n) - A person who spends the last dollar to buy a new wallet."

Ambrose Bierce

Optimism and Hope

Rating: 3.50 (Number of Voters: 2)

"Miss, n.: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market."

Ambrose Bierce

Woman and Man

Rating: 2.00 (Number of Voters: 1)

"Man: An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be."

Ambrose Bierce

Human

Rating: 3.50 (Number of Voters: 2)

"There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know."

Ambrose Bierce

Knowledge, Ignorance

Wisdom and Stupidity

Rating: 3.20 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Politics and Diplomacy

Rating: 6.80 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Art and Culture

Rating: 6.33 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Manners and Ethics

Rating: 6.00 (Number of Voters: 2)

"Appeal: v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Law and Crime

Rating: 5.00 (Number of Voters: 1)

"Reason, vi. To weigh probabilities in the scales of desire."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Intellect, Judgement

Rating: 4.00 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Year, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments."

Ambrose Bierce

Time and Passing

Rating: 7.00 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands."

Ambrose Bierce

Woman and Man

Rating: 6.00 (Number of Voters: 3)

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."

Ambrose Bierce

History and Nations

Peace and War

Rating: 7.67 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

Ambrose Bierce

Anger

Rating: 4.83 (Number of Voters: 6)

"Alliance, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third."

Ambrose Bierce

Politics and Diplomacy

Rating: 4.33 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Noise, n. A stench in the ear. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization."

Ambrose Bierce

Various

Rating: 6.60 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Saint, n. A dead sinner revised and edited."

Ambrose Bierce "Devil's Dictionary"

God and Religion

Sin and Conscience

Rating: 6.00 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting."

Ambrose Bierce "Devil's Dictionary"

Peace and War

Politics and Diplomacy

Rating: 3.67 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Justice, n. A commodity which in a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance, taxes and personal service."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Justice

Law and Crime

Rating: 6.17 (Number of Voters: 6)

"Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. "

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Various

Rating: 4.80 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Custard, n. A vile concoction produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Health and Alcohol

Rating: 3.00 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Normality and Madness

Rating: 4.00 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Science and Technology

Rating: 4.67 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Vote, v. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Patriotism

Politics and Diplomacy

Rating: 5.25 (Number of Voters: 4)

"Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Envy

Happiness

Rating: 6.00 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility. "

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Richness and Money

Various

Rating: 6.80 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Land, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Various

Rating: 3.60 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Intellect, Judgement

Rating: 2.40 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Success, n. The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Success and Fame

Rating: 2.67 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Peace and War

Various

Rating: 7.25 (Number of Voters: 4)

"Christian, n. One who follows the teachings of Christ so long as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

God and Religion

Sin and Conscience

Rating: 6.50 (Number of Voters: 2)

"Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Love

Rating: 5.00 (Number of Voters: 1)

"Quack, n. A murderer without a license."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Health and Alcohol

Rating: 6.00 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Egoism

Rating: 4.80 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Marriage

Rating: 5.75 (Number of Voters: 4)

"Erudition, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Knowledge, Ignorance

Rating: 4.00 (Number of Voters: 1)

"Advice, n. The smallest current coin."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Various

Rating: 2.75 (Number of Voters: 4)

"Infancy, n. The period of our lives when, according to Wordsworth, 'Heaven lies about us.' The world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Youth and Age

Rating: 4.80 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Various

Rating: 4.75 (Number of Voters: 4)

"Congratulation, n. The civility of envy."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Envy

Rating: 4.00 (Number of Voters: 4)

"Abstainer, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Various

Rating: 8.00 (Number of Voters: 3)

"I think that I think, therefore I think that I am."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Intellect, Judgement

Rating: 4.33 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Apologize, v. To lay the foundation for a future offense."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Forgiveness

Manners and Ethics

Rating: 6.00 (Number of Voters: 4)

"Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Science and Technology

Rating: 3.80 (Number of Voters: 5)

"Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Wisdom and Stupidity

Rating: 5.33 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Liberty, n. One of imagination's most precious possessions."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Freedom and Servitude

Reality and Imagination

Rating: 7.00 (Number of Voters: 2)

"Twice, adv. Once too often."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Various

Rating: 6.00 (Number of Voters: 3)

"Optimist, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white."

Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary"

Optimism and Hope

Rating: 5.33 (Number of Voters: 3)