Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
At my age, flowers scare me.
Happiness is a good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman... or a bad woman, depending on how much happiness you can stand.
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
