George Burns

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

Rating: 2.00 (Number of Voters: 2)

"Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair."

Rating: 3.00 (Number of Voters: 2)

"Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist."

Rating: 5.33 (Number of Voters: 3)

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth."

Rating: 6.33 (Number of Voters: 3)

"At my age, flowers scare me."

Rating: 7.50 (Number of Voters: 2)

"Happiness is a good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman... or a bad woman, depending on how much happiness you can stand."

Rating: 3.50 (Number of Voters: 4)

"Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age."

Rating: 5.67 (Number of Voters: 3)