The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: thats the essence of inhumanity.
We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.
My speciality is being right when other people are wrong.
Beware of the man who does not return your blow: he neither forgives you nor allows you to forgive yourself.
But a lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
It is a woman's business to get married as soon as possible, and a man's to keep unmarried as long as he can.
Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.
Home is the girl's prison and the woman's workhouse.
Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
Animals are my friends ... and I don't eat my friends.
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.
Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
Just as the liar's punishment is, not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe any one else.
The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.
There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.
The customs of your tribe are not laws of nature.
A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. All progress, therefore, depends upon the unreasonable man.
The novelties of one generation are only the resuscitated fashions of the generation before last.
What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day.
If you have an apple and I have an apple, and we exchange apples, we both still only have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea, and we exchange ideas, we each now have two ideas.
He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.
Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
Patriotism is, fundamentally, a conviction that a particular country is the best in the world because you were born in it.
Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music.
The great advantage of a hotel is that it's a refuge from home life.
We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners.
Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane, the pessimist invents the parachute.
He who has never hoped can never despair.
There is only one religion, though there are a hundred versions of it.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
The secret of success is to offend the greatest number of people.
As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death.
