The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
The laughter of man is more terrible than his tears, and takes more forms - hollow, heartless, mirthless, maniacal.
Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
Early to rise and early to bed makes a male healthy and wealthy and dead.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost.
Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.
There is no exception to the rule that every rule has an exception.
Love is the strange bewilderment that overtakes one person on account of another person.
Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.
