Mark Twain

"Too much of anything is bad, but too much Champagne is just right."

Mark Twain

Health and Alcohol

"I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable."

Mark Twain

Life and Death

Various

"Always tell the truth; then you won't have to remember anything else."

Mark Twain

Memory

Truth and Falsity

"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

Mark Twain

Forgiveness

"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."

Mark Twain

Reality and Imagination

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example."

Mark Twain

Anger

Various

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

Mark Twain

Human

Normality and Madness

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."

Mark Twain "Following the Equator"

Joy and Sadness

"Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. "

Mark Twain

Defeates and Mistakes

Forgiveness

"An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before."

Mark Twain

History and Nations

"Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it."

Mark Twain "Following the Equator"

Truth and Falsity

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

Mark Twain

Success and Fame

Talent and Genius

"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."

Mark Twain (or gen. Ulysses S. Grant)

Life and Death

"Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

Mark Twain

Education

"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it."

Mark Twain

Nature and Animals

Pain and Tears

"Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person."

Mark Twain "Mark Twain's Notebook"

Manners and Ethics

"Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean."

Mark Twain "Following the Equator"

Envy

Richness and Money

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it."

Mark Twain

Authority, Government

Patriotism

"Life was not a valuable gift, but death was. Life was a fever-dream made up of joys embittered by sorrows, pleasure poisoned by pain, a dream that was a nightmare-confusion of spasmodic and fleeting delights, ecstasies, exultations, happinesses, interspersed with long-drawn miseries, griefs, perils, horrors, disappointments, defeats, humiliations, and despairs - the heaviest curse devisable by divine ingenuity; but death was sweet, death was gentle, death was kind; death healed the bruised spirit and the broken heart, and gave them rest and forgetfulness; death was man's best friend; when man could endure life no longer, death came and set him free."

Mark Twain "Letters From the Earth"

Life and Death

"Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment."

Mark Twain

Law and Crime

Manners and Ethics

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect."

Mark Twain

Various

"Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied."

Mark Twain

Envy

Love

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

Mark Twain

Work and Laziness

"Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest."

Mark Twain

Justice

"There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice."

Mark Twain "Following the Equator"

Courage and Fear

Sin and Conscience

"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it."

Mark Twain

History and Nations

"If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed."

Mark Twain

Various

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is really a large matter - it`s the difference between a lightning bug and the lightning."

Mark Twain

Intellect, Judgement

Oration and Silence

"Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all - the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved."

Mark Twain "Mark Twain's Notebook"

Life and Death

"Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth."

Mark Twain

Life and Death

Love

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live."

Mark Twain "Following the Equator"

Dreams and Desires

"When angry count four; when very angry, swear."

Mark Twain

Anger

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."

Mark Twain

Courage and Fear

"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."

Mark Twain

Health and Alcohol

"They did not know it was impossible, so they did it! "

Mark Twain

Success and Fame

"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

Mark Twain

Richness and Money

"The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money."

Mark Twain

Friendship and Hostility

"Education consists mainly in what we have unlearned."

Mark Twain "Mark Twain's Notebook"

Education

"Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven."

Mark Twain "Following the Equator"

Sorrow and Nostalgia

Wit and Humor

"Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows anybody."

Mark Twain "Following the Equator"

Human

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

Mark Twain

Knowledge, Ignorance

Youth and Age

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities, truth isn't."

Mark Twain "Following the Equator"

Reality and Imagination

Truth and Falsity

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts."

Mark Twain

Various

"Classic - something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."

Mark Twain

Art and Culture

"The only reason why God created man is because he was disappointed with the monkey."

Mark Twain

Human

Nature and Animals

"Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work."

Mark Twain

Nature and Animals

"There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages."

Mark Twain "Following the Equator"

History and Nations

Human