An Englishman, even if he is alone, forms an orderly queue of one.
This year, or this month, or, more likely, this very day, we have failed to practise ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people.
Fire and water have no mercy.
There are only two families in the world, the Haves and the Have-Nots.
We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society.
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.
A man loves his sweetheart the most, his wife the best, but his mother the longest.
A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.
The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so.
The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they believe they are as clever as he.
It is well that war is so terrible — lest we should grow too fond of it.
If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers.
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
Nature admits of no permanence in the relation between man and woman.... It is only man's egoism that wants to keep woman like some buried treasure. All endeavors to introduce permanence in love, the most changeable thing in this changeable human existence, have gone shipwreck in spite of religious ceremonies, vows, and legalities.
Beauty is one of the rare things that do not lead to doubt of God.
Evil is done without effort, naturally, it is the working of fate; good is always the product of an art.
When is a crisis reached? When questions arise that can't be answered.
Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.
Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow.
Perfect freedom is reserved for the man who lives by his own work and in that work does what he wants to do.
If Socrates lived and died like a philosopher, Jesus lived and died like a God.
There is no first world and third world. There is only one world, for all of us to live and delight in.
Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
Love truth, but pardon error.
This life is a hospital in which each patient is obsessed with the desire to change beds.
The English think they are free. They are free only during the election of members of parliament.
We desire nothing so much as what we ought not to have.
All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others.
Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane.
There are only two ways of telling the complete truth - anonymously and posthumously.
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
Men despise religion; they hate it and fear it is true.
There are no strangers in this world, just friends we've never met.
Forgiveness is like the fragrance a flower gives after it's been stepped on.
The one thing we can never get enough of is love. And the one thing we never give enough of is love.
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.
One person with a belief is equal to a force of ninety-nine who have only interests.
Every era has a currency that buys souls. In some the currency is pride, in others it is hope, in still others it is a holy cause.
If you can't appreciate it, you don't deserve it.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not discover it.
The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.
The life of man is a long march through the night, surrounded by invisible foes, tortured by weariness and pain, towards a goal that few can hope to reach, and where none may tarry long.
I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts.
A poet looks at the world as a man looks at a woman.
Women can fake orgasms, men can fake the whole relationships.
America is a country that doesn't know where it is going but is determined to set a speed record getting there.
